how come you won't listen to me everytime??
all those words u said... did really hurt me a lots
although you didn't mean it or you just joking only
do you ever care about my problems that i'm facing before??
everything that is about me??
i don't think u really care about it.... know why??
cause friends is your number one in your heart.... not me...
both of us won't give way to each other
in the end both of us keep arguing this few days
i know you try to tahan my attitude but u can't tahan me any longer
just want to confess and share my feelings and problems to you
but everytime u like don't want to... if is your friends... i think u will accompany them like the way i want you to...
if we continue being like this... something will happen...

~MJ

yesterday night didn't slept well
don't know why keep waking up in the midnight
sleep until today 1pm only wake up
saw my handphone got few messages but is not from him
feel like want to throw my handphone
after awhile he finally called me
heard a lots of sound and very noisy
i know he sure at outside again
only talked for awhile then hang up the phone
on my facebook only realized today is her birthday
suddenly my heart sank and im kinda scared
he told me before he want to go out with her on her birthday
but that time he said this is just to make me jealous... but don't know is real or not
he going out whole day still haven message me or anything
everytime waited for his message.... stupid girl me!!!
feel like scolding him even though without any good reasons
just wanna do it to him only.... know is very unfair to him
but if i keep being like this.... one day i will go crazy
ying said im too care about him and she scared wait he can't take it anymore
im too care because im scared i'll lose him
and im very sensitive with things about him.... especially when come to girls
feel like crying now.... luckily got ying comfort and accompany me today
only now i feel better a bit

~anti-jealousy
~MJ

Christmas Eve

yesterday is christmas eve

first time in my life celebrate with my friends till so late

and also my love one

in the morning went out with him

already watched avatar in singapore 

but still watched it again with him because i know he wanted to watch it 

but this time is in 3D.... watched until my eyes pain

after that we go disturb jia yun when she is working

she keep talking and entertained us :)

saw those cute couple key chains.... feel like buying it but in the end didn't buy

got t-shirts and bags also... all very nice

then at night before went to fennie's house

me and him bought ice-cream and he choose cherry yogurt flavour

walao... the taste is like strawberry flavour.... YUCK!!

yah nan didn't came for fennie's christmas eve party... kinda disappointed...

but nevermind la... still got ying and him to accompany me ^^

when exchange present that time... when is his turn to take a number....

don't know who shouted my name first.... then after that everyone shout...

my face is like tomato know... really really very embarrassing!!!

but luckily my back faced him... he didn't saw it... haha!!

after that all of us went to dp field there.... then someone suggested that we play dare game....

and guess wat... is start from him first...!!!

fennie suggested that me and him dance in front of them.... oh my gosh..!!!

then they also got ask ying and jay to dance... but in the end four of us didn't do it la...LOL!

after that we went to St. Paul's hill until is christmas lo

me and him talked about our future and all those things

im very scared that we will end... almost wanna cried out but luckily i can hold it

had the most memorable christmas eve but he make me jealous AGAIN

but i don't think he noticed it because he sure will say friends only ma...

then that time i sure speechless... plus ying asked me to tahan...

wtf... very bo song le.... damn it!!

around 1am he walked me home...

didn't talked much to him because im very cold and tired

he even touched my leg to confirm if im really cold... very swt le... ==

he got reunion tonight with his primary friends....

haiz... sure very close wif those girls again....

don't think don't think!!!! if not like ying said my blood vessel will burst

but still i hate it a lots... at least draw a line la.... my ren nai xing also got limit de k!!

haiz... still hope he has a memorable reunion tonight

PS:ting when you only want to update this blog??!! everytime i update only.... chicken ass!!!

~anti-jealousy

~MJ

 

today is my 1st day in singapore.went to de newest shopping centre and bought a lots of things for christmas.i love singapore!!!!goin to stay here till 23rd of dec then de next time can celebrate christmas wif frens.wee!!!but in de same time....haiz...chat wif him in fb...wat he meant by his personal items and every f6 gals....make me comfuse..really lyk wat my frens said he's playing me??he even scold me naive....fucking asshole..!!!!wateva!!!dont wan to think about it.if he really lied or treat me lyk a toy...i wont 4gv him forever!!!!

fucking bloody life

spm is just around the corner...left 1 more week only...but i still can consider haven prepare finish...just finish studying bio and all form4 sej only....others touch also haven touch...how to die!!??tell me la...haiz!!everyday at home will slp so dis few days keep goin to library and food court in mp juz to have group study wif my frens...can at least concentrate more but study a bit slow only.i thought my sis know how i feel all this time...but I WAS WRONG!!!both of us keep argue cuz of dis prob...she tot i goin out and play...told her i was studying wif frens.she said y my frens cannot come my hse and study,muz go out...think all my frens lyk to come my hse meh!!if u in malacca u will keep asking my frens questions lyk our papa and mama...plz la...u dont wan face i also wan face de k!!u think u're my sis then can simply scold me de way u lyk is it!?i ady very stress,suffered and u still give me one stab summore.keep giving me pressure....i cant stand it tat much lyk u can.i knw among 7 siblings i'm de most lousy to u all!!!but u cant blame me k..i ady try my very best and what u want me to do summore!!today at food court saw my primary fren wif her bf studying together...her bf rly rly very caring....saw them lyk dis it reminds me of hun....haiz....long time ago jor.haiz...pie ar...i can say facing probs now...everytime i have prob u will be by my side when i need you....but now....i dont think so i can rely to u jor...i feel lyk im not welcome to u anymore and there's sumthing between us...mayb u didnt feel it cuz u dont care about me ba...but i can feel it...i everytime think in positive way to make me feel better...u make me change my mind after u told me u mostly go form6...i got a feeling tat i will go too cuz of u...but i scared i will regret.i rly dont knw wat u're thinking all dis time....lyk nan say libra everytime dont knw wat they rly want...well u knw wat im goin to say??....fucking libra!!!ish ish ish!!!rly pek chek when u gv me cold shoulder!!!dont wan chap me then totally dont chap me.dont sumtimes chap me and care about me....then after tat disappear lyk tat.haiz~maybe u busy studying also la...cant blame u...pluz is im de one who zhi xiang qing yuan...and u kinda lied to me...dont knw is u rly 4gt or rly lied to me about it....i rly very very sad after nan told me about it.i dont wan to talk to u anymore dy...i hurt dao bo feeling liao...4gt about me in ur life ba.other gals are much better than me anyway...pluz i dont deserve to have u cuz u too popular for me to touch...but i rly wanted tat we can stay forever lyk how we used to be during tat beautiful night...

~crashed ❤~

~by MJ~

Memorable 5Sc2 Farewell '09

To my Friends(5Sc2) n Teachers :

分 享

时间已做了选择

什麽人叫做朋友

偶而碰头 心情却能一点就通

因为我们曾有过

理想类似的生活

太多感受 绝非三言两语能形容

可能有时我们顾虑太多

太多决定需要我们去选择

担心会犯错

难免会受挫

幸好一路上 有你陪我

与你分享的快乐 胜过独自拥有

至今我仍深深感动

好友如同一扇窗

能让视野不同

与你分享的快乐 胜过独自拥有

至今我仍深深感动

好友如同一扇门

让世界(变)开阔

~thankyou 5Sc2~

~ting~

Beautiful Night

2day all my frens went to sibaraku for farewell party.well me de only one in de gang didnt went.kinda disappointed but bo bian...i promised my mum tat i wont go.told nan about dis during bm ttn and d most hurtful thing she ever said to me....she said dis shows tat we all are not important to u...haiz...know she not purposely say dis de juz tersay jor...but im still very sad.saw their pics during farewell and i knw tat they enjoyed themselves a lot.im happy for them.they have their sweet memories i have mine too.i wont forget 2day....1st time in my life walking in the rain at night with you.u told me tat u saw leng lui yesterday and wanted to hav their hp number.....purposely tell me dis to make me jealous....didnt admit in front of u...the truth is YES IM JEALOUS!!!u ady knw still need to say out and kek me.ish!!there's a pipe spoilt then de water kip flowing out...a lot of water summore.u asked me to help u take ur stuff...i tot u wan do wat...but cant believe tat u carry me on ur back and walk across those water...and u said im very heavy....qian da!!!but i wish tat u will carry me 4ever and ever and ever lyk dis.the rain becomes heavier,then we tou tou go to my hse without my bro noticing us....both of us sitting in de garden and looking at de sky...talk talk awhile then kip quite jor...and tat sweet feelings...we have been lyk dis for 3 hours then u went back jor.time pass by so fast....is juz awhile only...didnt wanna let go of u when u wanted to go back....hope time could freeze at tat moment and both of us remain lyk dis forever.remember tat u asked me wat im thinking?i didnt tell u about it cuz i knw it make me more sad only...it will never happen....even if happen dy also wont last long de ba...pluz there's a lot of gals out there that i cant even compared wif them.no nid to compared also lose till very chia lat...think till here feel lyk crying dy.wanted to tell u about my feelings but dont have courage to say it out.cuz i dont wan to be a dreamer lyk i used to be anymore.hope u knw my feelings when u c dis...dont knw whether u have the same feelings as me not??i will always remember dis beautiful night...and continue to be lyk dis....will u??hope u will too ❤

~missing u too~

by MJ

Crushed Heart

im starting to have a new habit that is express my feelings by writing blog like nian used to.can say i know why he everytime write blog dy.what is promises??can someone tell me??promises are just nothing to me anymore...i'll just get disappointed and feel down every time when promises that people promised me didn't come true.i can't hold on to this relationship....but i promise you that i will keep hold on to you till the time comes...till that day im not yours and you are not mine...we can't change the fact.i hate it so much but what can i do?!cry a lot this days...well this is my way to cool down myself.suddenly i think of you,nian.everytime when i got problems,u're the one that i rely on,besides than ting,nan and ying.three of them don't have any relationship with anyone before so can't really understand all my feelings.at least u know how i really feel all this time when im being with him.very happy when being with him but in the end i will get hurt so much.well like i said i cant blame anyone for this.can you save me from this sweet disaster?im starting to break down and im really helpless than before.agree with what nan said to me before:"single is the best."so anyone who are single right now...i suggest you that continue to stay single.is really the best...trust me.besides that,couples out there please cherish each other no matter what happen...those promises that u guys promised to your beloved...please make sure that you won't break it...most of all show your beloved that how much you love her/him....because im not lucky as u guys...

❤heart you❤

~by MJ~

JiunEe

I know I have met him in the past,

When we were still young.

Handsome,cute,clever,loving,caring,

And most of all perfect.

That's all I can say about him.

That night,

January 11,in year 2008.

I finally have him in my life,

Happy?very happy?or very very happy?

That feeling very hard to describe.

Remember when we first kissed?

Your lips touches mine.

Can you hear my heartbeat?

Is beating faster and faster every seconds.

Remember when we first went out together?

My hands locked to yours and yours locked to mine.

All eyes were on us every time.

But these sweet memories fly in a blink of an eye.

They came in and interfered,

They just can't sit back and watch how our world goes.

My hun,

I need you more than air

Our world disappear because of them?

It's just not fair.

I waited for you every time,

But all you do is just let me down.

I'm starting to see that we will never be.

I don't know if I should give up hope and stop trying,

Or if I should never stop trying but keep on crying.

I want to hate you so I can move on,

But I have been in this crazy game for way too long.

Today,

Hun and dear still exist.

Our broken world is heal once again.

But there's scars that won't disappear,

Because they still won't stop trying but to interfere.

All we can is to do things behind their backs.

I become more sensitive than before,

Your family,girls that appear around you,

I hate it so much.

I keep asking myself....

Why why why and more why??

Maybe I need you to care about me more,

Maybe I need security from you more,

Maybe I want you to love me more,

Most of all is I want you to become mine!!

Me who used to believe in fairy tales,

Already stop dreaming and open my eyes.

My mind and heart ache,

When I'm thinking of my crashed dreams.

Dreams where just you and me,

There's just only happy ending.

I don't know how long I can hold on,

I will try my very best,

But you must always remember those promises,

Do it but not just say it.

My only wish is to be with you.

I always hope when I told you that I love you,

You will drop everything and run to me,

Maybe even someday you get on one knee and say,

"Dear,I love you,will you marry me?"

I'm waiting....waiting....

Waiting for this day to come true....

❤heart you❤

~by MJ~

Tis Few Days...

This is my 1st blog n it is MJ blog too. We share the same blog n named it as siewmai-story. =) siewmai sounds lyk a tim sum. i noe u can guess it definitely. Ok let talk bout me, myself. Tis few days, i so sue. dunno y??!! who curse me a?? LOL! 1. hp bo credit 2.kena scold 3. msg cant be sent out 4.sore throat 5.flu 6.headache 7. at last see doctor 8. MED!!! (u noe, total up 7 pills!! per 8hours)Got antibiotic,fever,flu and "xiao zhong" de pill lol Gosh! then , the prob i face now is : i dun hav experience to swallow tat 7 pills (hey, dont laugh ==" ) den MJ keep asking me to SWALLOW IT LA. finally i swallow tat successfully. Shd i thx her?? haha. i m damn scared of it. As MJ said it is better than take those liquid de med. Btw, i sick coz of my wisdom tooth. and my face near the wisdom tooth there BENGKAK!! One word: UGLY LOL! I shd realise it earlier coz i cant open my mouth big big since morning. Can u imagine hw i open my mouth to brush teeth??!! HAHA And LAI MAI JIUN next time no need use capital letter to write my name de k. lol i sick ma so fell alsp . cant blame me ^^ Ok i stop here. Blog will be updated when im free. now hav to giv full concentration on my studies jor.
~ting~

Holding Back The Tears

i feel very down now....nothing can describe my feelings....dis is de very 1st time i argue wif him till so chia lat...i feel lyk im very stupid....knw he having probs wif his family but still i wanna argue wif him cuz of dis...im trying my best to control my anger but fail....everytime talk about family's prob or juz a lil prob tat make me jealous or hate it....i will get angry wif him easily...dont knw y....mayb i had changed,who knws rite??besides dis got one more prob...he argue wif his close fren...i tried to help them out...but im hurt and get more angry wif him when he said he promise me wont argue if i promise him not to argue wif him cuz of small probs....wth!!?he told me he dont mean to cuz feeling a bit down 2day....i knw cuz same goes to me also...if not i also wont get angry wif him dy...but dis kind of thing cannot simply say out de rite??well to me it is...every single lil things he say it rly meant a lot to me...mayb to u guys he juz crapping....but TO ME IS NOT!!!after he said dis,suddenly i ask myself:am i starting to regret for giving him dis chance??he also got ask me dis question....my ans is no cuz dis is my choice....even if i get hurt again i also cant blame anyone...i rly will promise him anything tat he want if dis can makes him happy....i suffer more also dont mind cuz im used to it and dis is de way to show him tat how much i love him all dis time...well at least he and his close fren wont argue dy...try to act happy when chatting wif him....juz dont wan him to be unhappy when being wif me....lyk to c him smile all de time....but i cant hold back my tears while chatting....i heartache again....haiz~hope i can 4gt about dis when i wake up 2moro...talking about his frens...."DE GOSSIP GIRL",tats wat me and my frens used to call her....hate her so much...hate her more now when i knw he added her....to me he cant be close wif anyone tat i dont lyk,even if say their names also cant...I HATE IT!!!!i knw wat u guys gonna say....i get jealous easily and he has the right to make frens wif anyone rite??i also knw tat but i get very sensitive when come to girls....even if is his god sis...i wont back off easily lyk i used to....dont lyk tat sour feeling...i rather argue if need to keep tat feeling....im very immature and stubborn huh?well dis is de real me lo...TENG SIEW TING y u fall aslp!!??make me need to write blog to express my feeling...ish ish!!im not goin to repeat dis to u tell u....u better read it....IF NOT U SO DEAD WHEN I C U!!!!LOL!wanna slp dy cuz my eyes dehydrated too much...i knw....VERY SWT MA!!!but i lyk it....lol :3

❤heart you❤

~by MJ~

My Miserable Life

hey ppl...i finally decide to have my own blog dy.well actually is not only mine but also siew ting's.both of us kinda errrr "EXCITED"!!??to write our 1ST BLOG IN OUR LIFE!!!LOL!neway SPM is coming,and my fucking life is not goin my way again.wish tat i never born in dis world b4....BUT if i never born here,i never met my precious frens tat light up my life wif many colours....and d most important is him.i wouldnt knw tat dis world is full of wonderful things if they didnt appear in my life b4.dis few days im very comfused about my own feelings.i fall for one of my best frens....very funny huh?in de same time my beloved find me back again.dis prob make my love prob very complicated.luckily i got ting by my side giving me advice tat i needed it sooo much.i agree wif wat she said.my beloved him can say is de perfect guy for me...he's very sweet and caring guy...but everyone is not perfect rite??so in de same time he will like disappear in my life when there's sumthing happen between us.cuz of some personal reason both of us cant be 2gether.I HATE IT A LOT!!!.for my best fren....well we rly close and we will tell each other about our own probs.dont knw when i had fall for him...i knw he still love her.am i consider as a 3rd party??even he said no but to me it is.my best fren knw i lyk him dy but he still cant 4gt about her...he also treat me gd but there's sumthing tat make me feel i cant touch him and im not secure.my beloved him find me back again....we been through a lot 2gether but he's de one who always make me leave....tat time i dont hav any feeling towards him dy...but after some times tat feeling come back a bit dy.shd i be wif him again??even though both of us knw tat there's no happy ending for both of us.haiz....2 guys at de same time appear...WTF!!??im a bitch am i??play both side....and i hate myself so much.now i think i have my ans in my heart dy.thx to ting.i will cherish everything in my life wif him again...but there's still a lots of things comfusing me...im used to believe in fairy tales....me and him happily ever after??!!...is juz a lie tat bluff small kids...but i rly do wish that we could happily ever after...

❤heart you❤

~by MJ~